Stock Take!

My first time going for a stock take! Definitely an enjoyable one, considering it only took an hour or so! (Most stock takes take hours, sometimes even longer than working hours. Some start at midnight. LOL!)

By the way, today’s a public holiday because our Malaysian tigers won. Go Malaysia!

Christmas!

It has definitely been a great week for me. I have been going home quite early lately. Latest, 6 pm. Which is very early for my line of work.

One of the most exciting parts of my week was following another senior out to her client, which was a hotel! Obviously, hotels are amazing. Carpets, high ceilings, chandeliers. Marvellous.

And the best part of my job that day was that Christmas carollers came by! Along with them was their Santa! Who brought us Mars bars, M&Ms and Oreo cookies! It just can’t get any better, can it?

But I miss visiting my client’s place. I don’t like sitting in office doing administrative work. I rather go out to do vouching. I miss my senior who explains every damn thing to me.

I feel pressured working in office. I don’t like it. It makes me a lot more edgy. I had two calls this week, different matters, both work related to me. And it managed to put me on the edge, simply because I was sitting in office. I don’t like it. Thank god I’m going out next week.

Plus, stock take next week! Yay!

Annual Dinner!

The firm’s annual dinner! You know what that means? Half day!

Was trying to stay back to finish my work but my manager kept insisting that I went home. So, I left early to submit my scholarship application at college. Productive day I would call it. Drove to college with one of my closest friends. Was good fun because he was a close friend that I was very comfortable with and didn’t need to pretend of act nice and all. 

Christmas Dinner!

We had our department Christmas dinner at Louisiana today. Very near to my house. So, I didn’t drive, because I knew someone would be able to send me home.

It was really great because this was the time that I really got to know a few guys better. And I realised that my closest friends, still, are guys, even though my office has a ratio of at least four girls to one guy.

I didn’t win any lucky draws that night, but had lots of fun with my fellow interns.

My present from my Secret Santa was crazy. Must have been from a girl. First layer is a Hinode plastic bag. Inside it, there’s a huge paper bag. I open the paper bag. First present, a teddy bear keychain. Lovely. Next to it, two wrapped presents. I open the first, it’s a box. Only inside the box is the present, a musical box. In the other wrapped present, I tear the wrapping paper (fed up of the many layers already!), again a box. Inside this box was one of the most beautiful things I could ask for, a glass photo frame.

Thank you, Secret Santa. 

Good Guys

The good guys are always taken. Always.

Heartbreaking news. I've been doing some snooping and stalking. The humble hot guy I know is taken. Girlfriend two years younger than us. Wasted.

Birthday!

Birthday today! I know I should be excited, but I don’t feel that way. I just feel tired. Dead tired from the two day championship. Also feels like there is an air of solemn all around me.

Took my birthday off facebook. Just a few people wishing me – my truly close friends. Kind of great how it sieves out those who wish you simply for the sake of wishing you when they see it’s your birthday today versus those who truly care enough to remember your birthday.

Somehow, today’s birthday wishes mean nothing to me. I don’t feel touched or anything. Probably because of what happened yesterday. Now what happened yesterday definitely makes me tear up just thinking about it. I really felt the support from my friends. I guess it takes low points in life to show you who your real friends are.

Showtime!

Day 2 of championship. My turn to fight. Lost. Was not feeling scared or nervous. Just it didn’t feel right. I know my problems. 

As long as I don’t correct these factors, I don’t see myself ever winning a fight. 

National Championship!

It’s show time. National Taekwondo Championship. Yes, it’s a damn big deal. It’s national man!

Reality has hit me. Oh boy. What have I gotten myself into this time. Our team didn’t do so well today. Tired from all the cheering. Long day. Ended only at 8.30 p.m..

Freaking out a little. Messaged some friends for comfort. Thank god they responded. They really calmed me down a lot. One knows how terrible I am. Another doesn’t. Still both helped to take my mind off the championship.

Registration

Registration and weighing in. Skipped lunch. Was worth it, very well in weight. Not many girls at the stadium. Most are of the younger age categories. 

Final Gym Training

Final training at gym before actual championship. I still feel unprepared. And I injured my toes, along with suffering some bruises from clashing of shins. Ouch. 

Final Fitness Training

Final training with KL team before actual championship. Received our t-shirts. I feel proud of it, but I also feel that I don’t deserve it. 

Holiday?

Public holiday today, but was still busy as ever. Had a meeting in the afternoon at Curve, regarding YLP. I seemed had a bad headache, where the crowds were getting to me. Left the Curve early to head for training. I’m getting rusty, even with the amount of training I’m getting. I know why. I need techniques training. My basics are weak. My techniques are weak. But we’re not doing that.  I don’t know how I’ll survive. 

Knight in Shining Armour!

I think I’ve found my knight in shining armour! Hahaha!

I was late for meeting. Turned out, meeting was cancelled because everyone wasn’t free. So, the only two of us who showed up went for lunch. Gossiped a little. He told me a bit, I told him a bit about what’s happening at our ends.

After lunch, we left because there wasn’t much left to do. His car was right in front. My car was a distance. I walked to my car, watched him drive past me. I was instinctively unlocking my car and all. And all of a sudden, I couldn’t unlock my steering lock. I looked at the key. Omg, the key was chipped. I tried again, couldn’t open it. It couldn’t fit into the lock. I got out of my car, and before I knew it, he was next to me. I told him I couldn’t unlock my steering lock. He got out of his car, and came over to help me. Don’t know how he did it, but he managed to unlock it for me. Which couldn’t have been easy, because even on a normal day I couldn’t do it, if the angle was not right.

That aside, there is something about him. I was comfortable with him even from the first day I met him. I like talking to him, and honestly, I feel that I can spend few hours sitting there just talking to him. He is the type of person I’ll automatically click with. 

Lost!

I’ve followed my friend there twice. Checked Google Maps countless times. Consulted friends at least 10 times. Still, I managed to get lost.

Destination? Cheras Badminton Stadium, a supposedly very famous stadium. Was there for training. However, despite getting lost, I still got there in good time. Only 40 minutes. Distance was about 25 km one way.

Coming home, again, after consulting people, I got terribly lost. Found my way back though. But ended up on a wrong road which was quite jam.

Oh well! I learnt some new roads today! At least I now know KL a little better! Won’t get lost the next time!

Fast Track!

I love my work. Well, I can’t go to the extent to say that it’s play, but I will admit it. I do love my work. Workload’s not too bad on me yet, it’s more on my senior’s part for that. Not to say that I don’t have work to do either. But with people you love, work isn’t really that bad. I love my team. Quite a big team, because our client is sufficiently big. But I only work with 1 or 2 of them most of the time.

Been working with a senior since Monday. She’s really nice and helpful. Never yelled at me yet. Haha. And don’t think she will. But she does look really busy. Datelines, with exams. I can understand. Today, just started working with another senior. First day with him and already he asked me. On our back from client’s place because we had a department meeting. We were quiet for a bit. So I guess, trying to make small talk he asks. So, boyfriend? Hahaha. Still cracks me up. Brought us closer I guess. 

Terry Fox Run!

My first run! Terry Fox Run! 3 km, completed in 20 minutes (plus minus 1 minute). Was a confident-boosting run definitely. I went in with a semi-exhausted leg muscles. Had a training the night before. Not burned out, but definitely not at my top condition. Yeah excuses la. Don’t know how much better I could have run. 19 minutes maybe?

But in this state, don’t think I can go for 5 km or more. Maybe if my muscles weren’t so tired, I would at least be able to jog further. Overall, was great fun. Did sufficiently well. I definitely have to thank my sparring coach for all the stamina-building training he put me through. Results are showing now. 

Survivor!

Training today, was … Not that bad? I didn’t even feel like dying. Could still go on. I wonder whether my legs will ache tomorrow. Hope not though. 

Deepavali

Holiday today. Went to college for training, but there was no training. Just sitting around and talking. Was good though, because my legs were hurting like mad, even two days after training.  Master gave us a smiley toy today. Each of us. Mine was a red heart with a smiley face. J

Aftermath

Aftermath of yesterday’s training. My legs cannot even walk properly. They ache like mad. I remember, yesterday I asked my friend, will the training be tiring since there’s no physical training involved? He told me, can be tiring, can also be not tiring. Depends. Well, it was tiring for me. But few weeks down the road, I’m sure I’ll get used to it.

Ampang!

First time going through Ampang. Confusing like hell man. Thank god I didn’t drive there. Friend picked me up. Was good training. Learned a lot of techniques, unlike my previous training where I’ve only built on fitness and stamina.

I do have a reasonable stamina. But I still couldn’t handle the training, mainly because the kind of fitness it required was different. This was very much of kicking only. Nothing else. My previous training all revolved around jumping and jogging exercises. It employs the usage of different muscles. 

Internship!

First day of internship. First day of ever working, my entire life. Went well I think? Orientation was a killer. Dead tired even after the first day of work. Master told me about training just few hours before the actual training. Though I brought my clothes, I was too tired to go. Skipped training. Must go on Wednesday for the Ampang one.

Big Brother

Friend asked me to go for training today. I honestly don’t know what I was doing there. I was dead tired, yet I chose to go. But he wasn’t in the best mood. He was tired. I feel bad because even when we were going home, I didn’t talk to him. I know that I would have cheered him up a little. There’s just something about us, he’s like a big brother to me, and I’m like a little sister to him. I feel that. I know that I can put a smile on his face, even if it’s through saying stupid things that he just has to open his mouth to respond. I know I can break his serious mood. I should have. By the way, his birthday today. 

Keeping Up

First fitness training with the shortlisted KL team. It’s been such a long time since I’ve trained. Tired as hell. Couldn’t really keep up. But at the same time, it wasn’t quite as bad as our coach’s MAPCU training. Either I’m getting fitter, or the training really isn’t that bad.

Slap in the face.

It all happened so quickly.

I was happily messaging my friend, wow he's on scholarship. That's great. He deserved that one. The next minute, he calls me. Talking fast, like he always does. He tells me not to join the championship, because it's national level. There is a standard to it. Might be risky to me.

When he told me that, I was only hearing half of what he was telling me. He just talks fast, that's the way it is. But I got his message loud and clear.

When he said those words, I felt like bursting into tears. It was also so quick. It was touching, what he told me. He was a friend, who cared for me, who was looking out for me. Others so far, have told me, just like they always tell me at any other competition, just go for it. You can la. You are capable. Try your best. See how it goes.

But no, you knew what I am capable and not capable of. You know that I would probably get injured through this, really badly injured kind, because I'm just not that level yet. In the past, you've always told me that I'm capable of winning. I know that you wouldn't have said anything if I was good enough to fight here.

Now that is a friend indeed. I can take the bashing. I know myself, my capabilities. I know I need to work on certain aspects, I just don't have the right outlets. The best part is that he even invited me over to train with them, and this is not the first time he's inviting me over. I think I want to go there to train. He's serious about it. He has asked me to go train there a few times already. I think it's time I take it seriously too. How often do you find a door of opportunity that keeps opening even after you slam it shut a few times?

Yes, the slap in the face was all I needed. A hit of reality.

A Hug?

Was at training today. Dojang training. It's been more than a month since I last went there. Been busy with MAPCU training, which takes place in our college. 

One of the guys is back from camp. I think I haven't seen him for at least 2 months already. I miss him. He's the type of guy who bullies you non-stop but will never kill you. Note how I didn't use the phrase, knows when to stop. Because he does go quite far with it sometimes, especially with small kids. But he knows himself best, he knows how to control power. 

Naturally, after not seeing me for so long, he starts bullying me and kicking me and whacking me a lot. And I mean, really a lot! (With love of course). He even took my phone, scrolled through all my pictures, songs and played the games. (Him trying to catch fish with my phone was hilarious!)

After training, we went down first. I was walking off to my car already. He yelled to me, "Wei, going home so fast? Not even going to give me a hug first ah?" 

I was quite shocked. Because he has never actually given any of us a hug before. And as I know him, he'll say that, but there'll definitely be a prank behind it somewhere. I guess I was over-trusting today. I just walked back to him. I looked at him, he wasn't smiling. He looked serious about it, but he always did. Quite a poker face guy. And he actually gave me a hug. No tricks. 

Till now, it's bugging me. Yes yes, can a bad guy never be good? Of course he can. I'm still quite obsessed about finding out why though. 

Dependance

There is a guy.

I'm feeling it now because my sports life suddenly took a turn. It has become the only life I know. My entire life revolves around it.

He has always been there for me, through all my matches. Every single time I've fought, he's been there for me. Last year, twice, we weren't that close yet. But he wasn't there. Earlier this year, he coached me. Just recently, he was going to coach me to gold medal. He could have. He would have. I know that. But my coach was free, so he coached me. Nevertheless, he was still there for me.

I have not been to a single match without him, and I honestly don't know what I would do if I had to. I went for a match recently, without him. But thank god I didn't have to fight.

I like him, you know that? I think I do. I missed him twice this week already. He tried to talk to me over FB yesterday, and called me today. But I missed both, you know? Maybe I should be in college tomorrow. See if I do meet him. I'm afraid I'll miss him again though.

Selections and Steamboat!

Today I went for KL selections. It was quite a on-the-spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, I only found out a few days before. Selections was good I think? I went in with intentions of fighting and gaining experience, nothing more. I was quite prepped up for it.

I was there really early. My friend wasn't there yet, because they didn't know the way and were following people. I was a little nervous, just a little. Mostly, ready to have some fun and test my skills.

Quite a long delay. Don't know what the hold-up was. Weighing-in time. No one in my categories. I was the borderline weight, could have gone to either category.

I was speechless at that time. Stunned. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Another free win. It really has been my luck, all my life I would say. I've had many walk-over wins, and almost always got straight into the semis or finals. This time, it wasn't about the medal. It was about fighting and see what I was capable of.

Selections ended early since most categories had really few people. I later found out, most of my friends are going under premier clubs, not under states. Will see them at the nationals next month hopefully. Training starts this Saturday. Hope I survive it.

Went for steamboat dinner, our MAPCU celebration, at Yuen. We were the earliest ones. We sat around 1 table and started eating first, while waiting for the rest who trickled in. Food was good. The night was generally quite good for me, because everyone had something interesting for me to create a story about.

Towards the end of the dinner, I suddenly felt a dizzy spell and everything around me blurred. I felt like I was going to fall off the chair any moment, and now looking back, I wonder whether I should have. I could see, but I couldn't react and I felt like I was losing grip of everything. But I was afraid that if I fell asleep, I wouldn't wake up again, so I forced myself not to faint. You'd be amazed at the human mind.

My friend sent me home. I didn't want my parents to find out. They'd force me to quit sports for sure. Blame it on something nonsensical. My friend told me he thinks I'm having a migraine. I googled it up. Says it lasts between 4 hours and few days. I immediately closed the page, dared not read further. I googled up blurred vision. My findings were even more scary than about migraines. Blurred vision is the symptom for a long list of really serious diseases, including brain tumour. Also closed that page.

I retired early that night. Did not even watch my video. I did watch a bit with my president and coach at dinner, was heartbreaking yet funny at the same time. If it were someone else, I'd be laughing my heads off. But it's me. It's quite hard watching yourself.

Thai Student Exchange!

Some students (81 students actually!) from Khon Kean University in Thailand dropped by our college for a student exchange visit. I am honoured to be selected as the student leader to represent our college to present an introduction to our college.

The presentation went well. Loved doing it, loved it all. They didn't set the bar too high on the public speaking or language proficiency bar. So, I think I aced it. Our Director of Student Affairs looked pleased enough, as I spoke.

Rushed for the Toastmasters meeting just to give the Better Speaker Series presentation to achieve ACS. My heart just wasn't there to do it. I just couldn't do it. You made me miss a muay thai performance man. Then I reach there, you tell me I get to speak at 11 am, and I don't speak till 11.30 am. My heart just wasn't there. I couldn't force myself. Rushed through the entire speech leaving out many interesting points I had earlier prepared.

Got back to the Thai students exchange just in time for lunch. Everything was practically over then. I had some food and bonded with my friends over lunch. Mostly sports friends. There's just something about sports people that makes them humble and friendly.

I feel bad about my attitude towards Toastmasters. But I have made my priorities clear. And I'm doing it just to finish the manual. I want that, no doubt. Because practicing is one of my best learning styles. I just didn't want to be there that day. I had to miss a muay thai performance for god's sake. Muay thai. I'm in martial arts too. I can relate to other martial arts and I just love them more and appreciate them better okay.

Yumcha at Canadian Pizza!

I am seriously glad that I’m 50% done with exams. By Monday next week, I would have completed my year 2 of degree. And I would be taking a break from studying for three to four months, doing what I love – working, meeting new people, chilling, playing sports and yum cha-ing.

Today, I met up with some Taekwondo friends for lunch. Was a good lunch at Canadian Pizza. The food was good, as always. We called the set for 6 – 8 people, but with the athletes at our table, it wasn’t quite enough. Just right I guess. Now that I look back upon it, most of our conversations there centred around cars. And it was basically three guys discussing it. I joined in a little too. Was quite educational. Haha.

Sat there for two hours or so before leaving. Sent my friend home. I got to find out some new things about some people and some incidents. I love hearing things. Turns out, I do know quite a lot. You would too, if you just stopped to listen. 

A talk with the coach.

I had a nice long talk with coach today. It started off with me just asking whether he wanted a copy of the report. He said yes. Then he asked about my exams. Before we knew it, we were off at some other topic. I am actually quite surprised that he had so much to say and that he was actually capable of talking a lot. We must have talked close to an hour. I am actually quite glad that we had this talk. I feel like I know him a bit better now, about his principles and practices and all. 

By the way, I have uncovered more about him. Hehehe. 

Delayed reaction.

Yes. Today I just realised what went wrong yesterday.

First. I had the perfect distance, but I hesitated and did not kick because I was unsure. That also meant that my opponent too had the perfect distance, and used it to her advantage instead.

Second. I did not move when she kicked me. Coach specifically told me before the match to move when she kicks. Move forward. Move backwards. Whatever, as long as I don't just stand there and let her kick me. But my body did not do that. I didn't think. I could have easily countered, scored a point, maybe even avoid letting her score.

Third. She playing with one leg doesn't mean that I have to play with one leg. Though I couldn't have done any better to be honest. I'm still mind blank, so I don't know what to do. Haha.

Fourth. A very important lesson. It is very much a mind game. The first round, she was happily scoring. It was relaxing for her. Second round, when I knew what to do to score, I could tell she panicked. I could feel it. She was nervous because every time the referee broke us apart, and let us go, I would attack without waiting (I already had the distance). I felt her panic the first two thirds of the second round. Then she got aggressive. I have to watch the video to see where she scored though.

Five. I need to learn to block. And I need to learn to go for the head.

Oh well. Hope I can win the next match. These are the most basic and vital lessons and I've understood them now.

MAPCU!

MAPCU just ended today. We did amazing. I’m so proud of all of us. Out of 19 players, 18 won medals. 1 who didn’t was unlucky, he met the winner of his category in the first round. Plus, he only realised his mistakes later on.

As for myself, I screwed up bad in the first round. I was careless, and let her score too many points. Also, I was too dependent on coach. I was waiting for him to tell me what to do. I knew I had a weak opponent, and that I was capable of winning. But I really didn’t know what to do when I was in the match. The few times when he told me what to do, I did, and I’m sure I scored points from it. During the break, coach told me what to do and I understood it. Even during the second round, he told me what to do, and it was reassuring. I managed to score during the second match, but wasn’t enough to catch up.

I was this close to gold, but I blew my chance. Also, because of that, we were only 2^nd runner up. Had I won the gold, we would have been 1^st runner up overall.

It has been a tiring two days, but I learnt plenty. I am better equipped for my next match I’m sure. 

What a relief. Really.

What a relief. I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t get the people. I like those guys I’m working with. They are really nice, and they don’t let our difference in Taekwondo centres get in the way. They are really nice guys and I like working with them. They are forever willing to help me, and are willing to treat me like another one of them even though we just met.

Today is a good day. I’m glad everything’s okay.

Serious. Because honestly, I've been really stressed out the past few days about this. And I never get stressed, so it does mean something. I'm glad we cleared things up.

The moment that made my day was the meeting. My friend was late. He and another friend had just come straight from their training. I said, me too. He asked me, what training? Yoga? And I told him, no. Taekwondo. Just like the two of you. The look on his face. Priceless. Later on, we exchanged some Taekwondo stories. I found out how he broke his arm. Careless mistakes. Nothing that really worries me, because girls really don’t play that violently. 

I feel much more at ease now. Hope my body and mind recovers in time for the competition. 

Cultural Night 2010!

Cultural night performance today! Second year performing! Last year's was a success. So was this year's.

Today was a day of many events. I was only planning to drop by the sports awards day to meet up with my friends and to get the free lunch. Class finished early, so I was early at the sports awards ceremony. I decided to just go in since I was already there, and had a number of friends inside.

I spontaneously decided to go up on stage to receive my President’s Distinguished Club award for Toastmasters club, which I earned with my own sweat, blood and tears, along with my entire exco. 

After the awards ceremony, I had to rush off for some work that I did not have time to have lunch.

That night, I was early at the cultural night. I got a shock when I found out that we were the last performance. I was in a super bad mood. It was not so much the fact that we were the last performance. It was the fact that I specifically, personally, talked to all the staff that could be involved, told them that we had MAPCU, and they agreed to put us earlier, and yet, we were the last performance. I wanted to cancel our performance altogether.

But we stayed through. After a while, I was too tired and couldn’t take it anymore. I left the hall to go sleep outside, accompanied by my friend. I think he was also bored already. When we were outside, we were the lucky few to have dinner before the rest. Turns out, by the time the break came, there was no food left.

Training before our performance resulted in me injuring my right ankle. Was practising my back thrust when I landed it on a chair next to me, quite forcefully. Hurt like hell.

Our actual performance went quite smooth. Only 1 plank couldn’t break. The rest were good and smooth. My friend did injure his toe from it though, because the plank couldn’t break the first two times. Hope all goes well with our competition this weekend. 

I feel like giving up.

It’s less than a week before competition and I feel like giving up. Honestly, I feel quite crappy right now. I feel dizzy and faintish. On top of that, I have some stress from calling up people and getting a yes. Rejection is painful. But this time around, I seem to feel my mood going up and down as the acceptance and rejection comes.

The clock is ticking though. Few more days to get everything settled. Problem is I’m running out of time because I am tied up with the competition and our performance in two days time (which we have not prepared for). 

Golden Ticket!

My friend just posed a brilliant opportunity for me today. Went for their meeting and embarked on my first mini assignment. Hope all goes well.

MAPCU was postponed. So there I was at their meeting, and I'm damn glad I went. 

It has postponed.

Four days before the competition I find out that the competition has been postponed. And I had to find out through someone who doesn’t even train with us. What the hell. Team manager meeting has passed. And it’s four days away. 

Training, recovering, more training.

Gosh, how time flies. It’s almost a week ago since I’ve updated, again. My life right now is pretty much training, recovering, sorting out creases in our championship and assignments. Hell. Almost all parts are really time consuming. Especially recovering. On the bright side, it’s only 1 more week. in about 8 days from now, it will all be over. The championship would have come and gone, and I would have to start preparing for finals. 

Training has been murderous.

It’s been quite some time since I’ve posted an update. Been busy. Training has been murderous, thankfully I’m still alive. Training is now 5 times a week. Almost every week night. By the time I reach home, all I want to do is collapse and sleep. Muscles are sore, from head to toe. Bruises colour both my fair legs. Medicine intoxicates me. The journey isn’t an easy one. Even more so when I start so late. But I do believe, I will be something at the end of this. I’m already half way through, with 2 weeks to go. I think that I can get through this alive. 

Barbeque Party

Was at my friend’s house for her barbeque party/farewell. She's going off to UK soon. She was one of the closest friends whom I met in Foundation. One of my few female friends. Haha. Had a good time at her party. Had a really good laugh, that I haven’t had in months. Most of the people there were from Psychology. I realised that I can connect to them better than I can with my friends from Business. I was the only one from Business there, with one more friend. It almost always is like that, the fun events I go to. Haha.

Back in Action!

Ahh I’m back at training, after a hiatus of one week plus. My muscles are quite weak. Maybe because I pushed myself yesterday, without the gradual warming up.

My poomsae is not too shabby. Still remember most of them. Good sign I guess? My front kick was plain awful today. I just couldn’t curl my toes without bending my ankle, because my calf muscles were too pain. Both legs.

Speaking of calf muscles, yesterday was the first time I injured my calf muscles. Yesterday, I was fine. It was just one of my hip muscles that was pain. Normal. Today, I woke up, and both my calves could barely move. At first, I thought it was just cramps. I occasionally suffer from cramps, but they usually go away within minutes. This was like a day long of cramps. Pain.  

Training in a freezer box.

Random thought. It’s 3 months till my birthday!

Today, we met our sparring coach. Young guy, but well-accomplished.

We had our first training session with him today. Nothing heavy supposedly, just some fitness training. It was more of a relaxed session for us students to get to know coach, and vice versa. Just to sink into each others’ styles.

It was tiring. I felt like choking. I blame it on the powerful air-conditioning though. It dried up my throat. I couldn’t breathe. Other things were okay. Oh and I pulled my hip muscle again. Training was a torture because of that. Everything you do requires that muscle.

Bukit Nanas!

Second day of Famine. Nothing eventful today. Broke fast with cold Milo from McD.

Evening was exciting. Went to Bukit Nanas for the first time ever!

The first time I jogged up, I thought, hmm it’s not that bad. Until I reached a slope. Wah. I run also cannot move. It feels like the treadmill, you are static, on the spot only.

By the third round, I was dead. My legs were tired out. It felt quite satisfying somehow.

30 Hour Famine!

30 hour famine today! I survived it! Just 24 hours for me actually, because I wanted to go to Bukit Nanas the second day, in the evening. I can’t do that with an empty stomach. Will faint.

Famine was an interesting experience. I went in alone. Yes, I didn’t realise that I was alone until the night before. And when I reached there, turns out, most people come together. And they just had to rub it in, asking me whether I came with friends.

It was quite an exhausting thing, mainly because I was not allowed to stretch my legs, and my legs were aching from training yesterday. They needed to move around and sprawl out, which they were not allowed to.

Some things were not surprising. They were well known facts. But one thing that struck me the most was the living in the streets game. The feeling of having to run from the gangsters and police, hunting for food, living alone with no family, like a beggar. Now, that was something new to experience.

One thing that was justified is my opinion that such big organisations are over rated.

Worked out. Hard.

Honestly? I feel like crap right now. Just had a brief moment of diarrhoea. Might be a good sign. I usually only go through that when I exercise too hard.

Went for training last night. Still, went for training this morning. Sunday trainings are really fun though! My first time at the Sunday trainings. Lots of fitness training! I’m quite glad that I have seen improvement in myself since few years back. I can now go through the entire training without feeling tired. Until after training, that is.

After that had a nice lunch. McDonalds as usual. Was quite a short one, but I got to know them that much better. Evening of discovery, I must say.

We went to the Taman Tun park for a jog that evening, after lunch. Explored the trail roads hidden in the big hill. Half way through, it rained. We eventually found our way back to our car and headed back to Ikea for a drink.

Whenever we do sports, we always head to places with refillable drinks. We become gluttons for drinks. Haha.

Awesome day. Even though I feel like crap right now.  

Bonding Session

I felt crappy at training today. Woke up too early I guess. My friend picked me up, I didn’t have to drive. This month, I’m so not going to drive where I can avoid it. Fasting month. The roads get clogged up early on in the day, even before I finish my class.

It was raining terribly the whole day today. I don’t know what was up. Today’s Friday the 13th by the way.

After training, we had a quick lunch at the cafeteria at the hostel. The portion seemed huge today. I couldn’t even finish half of it, unless it was me who lost my appetite. Then, we left college and headed to Great Eastern Mall where our friend had to conduct a session there. After that, we came back to 1 Utama, our familiar territory. Had a quick walk around the place, before watching The Expendables. Truly violent movie. Cinema wasn’t as cold as I thought it’d be. Finally, we had a quick dinner, at McD again before heading home.

Long day indeed. I must stop going out so much. It’s tiring. But this one was an exception. She needed to celebrate her end of exams. I’m quite flattered that she chose to spend it with us, instead of with her course mates who would probably feel her enthusiasm more than us. Haha.

My Best Memories

My best memories are through Taekwondo. Good, bad, sweet, bitter, proud, funny, disappointment, frustration, anger, painful and even love. I’ve been through them all through Taekwondo.

Maybe one day I shall tell of them.

On a separate note, my mum took me to buy shoes today. I finally bought the pair of running shoes that I’ve been eyeing for two days. It was on sale. It’s an awesome pair of shoes. Beautiful. Fluorescent green! Plus, I bought a nice pair of black heels after that, for work! Woohoo! Happy!

Big Bully.

Getting a taste of my own medicine, is what they call it.

Okay. I’ve learnt my lesson. Thank you for teaching me the hard way (because I know I will never learn it simply because people say so). And thank you for protecting me the whole time. I promise to keep my temper under control, and only let it go when I can do so without hurting people.

I encountered a road bully tonight. I was driving home from training. After the u-turn near my house, someone tried to cut me. I didn’t let him in and I honked. In the end, he still cut in front of me and drove funny. He stopped, he drove slow, he tried to follow me. Thankfully, he didn’t try too hard to follow me, and he lost me. I am really grateful for that.

I noticed, this time, just like the previous time, or times, I did not panic during the incident. The one thing on my mind was to do the right thing that would keep me safe and alive. I was all on my own. Everything else blurred, that I did not even think of getting his number plate or car make. In the moment, I was totally focused. I did not feel scared somehow. It was only half an hour or so later that I broke down, and felt like crying. As if I had been through something traumatic. And thankfully again, my friend was there for me so conveniently. After talking to him, I did feel much better and right now, I’m doing quite well again. Still a little scared though.

Haunting Me.

There is one thing that continues to haunt me every single day. One particular event. One thing that I wish I could change, but I know I can’t, so I will not try. I regret not losing my temper.

Now, I feel like I’ve twisted the story. Let me tell you the version that has been replaying in my mind, haunting me consistently.

It happened at my grading. One of the things we had to do was free sparring. I was in a crappy mood that day, having lost by 0.1 marks just the weekend before. I was sort of giving up. I had three rounds of sparring. The first round was not too bad since she had no experience in sparring either. The second round was bad because she had too much experience in sparring, at least compared to me. The third round is the one I cannot get out of my mind. I was partnered with a guy, younger guy of course. Quite big size for his age. The thing is, he cannot kick above belt level. We are about the same height (yes, I’m short). And he kept kicking my leg muscles only. Not even once did he kick above the belt. It was painful, especially since a dog bit me earlier that day and I sprained my other leg’s ankle.

The few seconds that keep replaying in my mind is towards the ending of that match. He kept kicking me below the belt. I gave up. I lost my patience. I just threw both hands up and let him continue kicking me, waiting for the referee to stop the match.

What happened in reality was that I gave up. The match stopped.

End of story.

What happened in the version that keeps replaying is that the match stopped. Then, resumed. Immediately after the referee let us off, I chased after him and landed a chopping kick on his face with my right leg, and then another with my left leg. Then, the referee stopped the match and broke us apart. Mind you, that all must have happened within less than 5 seconds. The referee immediately tore me off. By the way, the referee was my friend, my senior. My other friends were sitting by the side of the ring. The referee pulled me off, and gave me a stern look to stop. I did. I stopped. But my eyes still had the look of a killer.

“Stop, Qinmei,” my friend yelled from the sidelines. “Stop.” He repeated, in a lower tone this time. I did. I wasn’t panting or gasping for air. Yet, I felt my whole body heat up and I felt the rush of blood flow through my entire body. So this is what fight or flight response means.
By now, everyone had rushed over to see whether he was okay or not. I’m sure he’s fine. I’ve gotten kicked in the face many times before, in competition, and that’s by girls who are stronger than I am. I couldn’t have even left a mark on him.

The guy who told me to stop. He was standing right next to me now. He wasn’t angry. He almost never is. He was talking to me as if I was a child who did something wrong. Why did I hit him in the face so many times, so hard? This was just a grading. It’s not meant to kill. I was supposed to control. We don’t want accidents. We just want to see whether you can apply what you learn. That’s all.

I raised my voice a little with him. What do you expect me to do? Just stand there and get kicked like I always do? It was freaking painful okay. He did not even once kick me above the belt. He kicked my muscles. And hitting muscles is damn pain. You should know right? I’m sure you’ve had it before.

My seniors both looked at me with a strict face. Of course, I reciprocated. They didn’t want me to kill? At the same time, they wanted me to attack? What was I to do?

I have a short temper. It was pain. I simply defended myself.

And that is where the vision ends. I still feel the anger every time the scene plays. It has become a source of motivation for me, to fight for myself. To defend myself. To lose my temper. To do what I have to do.

A Plan to Win.

I have come out with a plan.

I need to stay focused until the end of September, when my competition is. It’s my final competition, I have to make it big and end with a bang!

Everything has to stop. No more late night meals. No more hanging out with friends so much. Definitely no more chasing him. More studying. More staying in the present. More concentration. Better dieting. Lose some weight. More training. Smarter usage of effort at training.

That’s my plan. It’s just six weeks. I have to do it. I don’t have a choice.

I hope that with my plan in mind, people will be supportive of me and will help me through this phase of my life. I know that it’s going to be hard, and I don’t think I can get through it alone.

Someone Else.

I had dinner with him again today. The usual. After training, we always go out for dinner. But today, I found out something. He likes someone else, who is two years younger than us. Me, he’s just playing with me, just as I do with other guys. Nothing more than casual friends who are sometimes quite close, like siblings. That’s all I am.

Busy-bee-ing.

Today was an amazing day. It started with Taekwondo in the morning. Taekwondo went well and smooth, even though we were put in charge. Lots of members. Lots of noise and laughter.

After training, we rushed off for a meeting about the upcoming competition. That went well too. Though I do feel slightly insulted that they all think that I am not a gentle lady-like girl. And that I am more of the act like a guy type.

Timing was perfect, I rushed off to badminton immediately after the meeting. I reached there in a heavy downpour. It didn’t matter much because I was already drenched in sweat, and was about to get more sweaty anyway. So, I hurried through the rain to the courts where I joined my friends for a game or two.

Was flat out within half an hour though. Muscles weren’t fully recovered from Wednesday’s training, and was worsened slightly from the morning’s training. I decided to just sit in the sidelines and watch others play. It was quite interesting watching people play. I get to see their techniques, their habits, their strengths and their flaws.

After badminton, I returned to college for UQ Evening. It was quite relaxed for me because I had already submitted my application, and received an offer earlier this year. So, while everyone was stressing over the interview, I was busy enjoying my food. Also got meet up with a friend I occasionally bump into, a basketballer who towers over me. I hate talking to him, unless we’re both sitting. He’s too tall for me.

UQ Evening was long, tiring to some extent. I was there for a reason though. I was the emcee of the night. It’s not every day that you get to be the emcee of an event, and therefore I grabbed the opportunity as soon as it came my way. I’m glad that I didn’t hesitate.

After the presentation had finished, my friends told me, let’s go watch a movie. Very last minute and very spontaneous. But that’s me. I followed them for the movie. Had a nice cup of Starbucks coffee. It’s a rare treat that I give myself. Love the chocolate chips in the Java Chip flavour.

I only reached home slightly past 11.00 p.m., and was quite flat out. It was truly a long day, but I enjoyed every minute of it. I know, tomorrow I’ll definitely wake up with aching muscles.

Reciprocate.

My feelings for him are getting stronger. I really feel that I like him. The worst part is that I don’t know whether he likes me too. The way he treats me, it’s sort of as if he likes me. But I’m not sure. And I can’t be sure. He brushes against me a lot. Normally guys don’t do that with me. They always treat me like another guy, just like another one of them. But they never ever touch me that way. When it comes to that, they still have their boundaries that a guy cannot cross with a girl. I think I am falling for him.

Hugs.

I paid a visit to a Toastmasters club in my area today, Money and You Toastmasters. It was actually my first time visiting them, despite being in the same area. Food was definitely amazing. Lived up to its name! The sambal was awesome, not too sweet and not too spicy. Lots of hugs, me likey.

I was there to present a speech from the advanced manual. I only started preparing 2 hours before the meeting. More than sufficient time, I would say. I couldn’t have done any better had I allocated myself more time. As a speaker, I know that I am a very confident and controlling person. I have no problem acting powerful. What I need is to inject emotions, which is something I naturally am bad at, especially to strangers.

I am quite happy today because I coincidentally met a friend on my way back to my car. I have not seen him in weeks. It’s a funny story how we became so close friends, yet here we are today, best buddies. I know that I can count on him if I ever had any problems that I needed someone to talk to. I had a brief lunch with him, since he had not eaten. I got to catch up with him and keep in touch. He always feels like such a big brother to me, maybe because of his height. Now, that was the highlight of my day. I got a big hug from him just before we parted ways. I love it when he gives me a hug; I just feel so protected. Haha.

Starting Afresh.

The time has come for me to start afresh. Life is starting afresh for me.

Through these few months, I’ve grown again; in a different direction, maybe. I am becoming clearer of my dreams and goals, my strengths and capabilities, as well as my weak spots and vulnerable points.

I’ve started embracing who I am. I am young. I am only 18, turning 19 at the end of this year. I am still very young, and I need to accept and cherish that. Why chase the years when I would need to live through them in the future anyway?

This first post, it will be a long one. It is full of the emotions and memories that I am living behind as well as reliving as I transit from my old blog to my new one.
I have grown very sure of myself. Confidence is no longer an issue. Deep inside, I still have my superiority complex. I need to be dared. I need to be challenged! I still have an obsession with proving people wrong.

But I do admit, I have gotten more emotional lately. My emotions become more bouncy and unstable. I am getting more hot tempered lately, though I am still very patient on the outside. I do feel, however, my blood boiling more often than previously. I am becoming less careful with hiding my emotions. I don’t see the point of it. And I do get sad more frequently. I am still unable to cry. But the feeling of wanting to cry, the overwhelming feeling, it still comes very often. I think it’s probably because I now have more friends who care, friends who would actually be concerned if they saw me sad.

Life is starting anew for me because I have just stepped down as President from my Taekwondo club. The time has come for me to let go of the responsibilities and pass the baton. It is now time for me to focus on myself. I need to develop myself, especially through more self-reflections and feedback-searching. On top of that, I am semi retired from Toastmasters. It no longer makes me happy as it used to. My friend stole the limelight from me. As bitter as I am about it, I’m accepting that it wouldn’t have lasted forever. At least I lost it to a friend who does acknowledge that he stole it from me.

As sure as I am about life, I still feel very unsure. I have my dreams. But my dreams don’t sound feasible. At least, not under these circumstances, that others do not know of.
I have found a guy to love. He is everything I could ask for. Loves sports, a thinker, humble, hardworking, caring, hot, and not afraid of me. Before this, I thought that I could never love again, not after watching the guy I love transform when I told him I liked him. Immediately, that guy disappeared. I really thought that I would never love another guy as much as I loved him ever again. But I have found someone.

There is another guy, he is perfect, through my eyes. Great at sports, great at studies, focused, determined, outspoken, confident and hot. He seemed like the perfect guy. Yet, I do not have any feelings for him, other than as a friend. He’s perfect. I don’t know why I don’t like him.

Right now, things are going well for me. I just got slapped in the face a few times these past few months, both in terms of my academics as well as sports. However, I am still here, alive, and standing taller than ever. Whatever doesn’t kill you truly does make you stronger.

I am back! I am ready to challenge my limits! I am ready to prove you wrong! I am ready for whatever life throws me! Because, I know I am not alone. =)