Starting Afresh.

The time has come for me to start afresh. Life is starting afresh for me.

Through these few months, I’ve grown again; in a different direction, maybe. I am becoming clearer of my dreams and goals, my strengths and capabilities, as well as my weak spots and vulnerable points.

I’ve started embracing who I am. I am young. I am only 18, turning 19 at the end of this year. I am still very young, and I need to accept and cherish that. Why chase the years when I would need to live through them in the future anyway?

This first post, it will be a long one. It is full of the emotions and memories that I am living behind as well as reliving as I transit from my old blog to my new one.
I have grown very sure of myself. Confidence is no longer an issue. Deep inside, I still have my superiority complex. I need to be dared. I need to be challenged! I still have an obsession with proving people wrong.

But I do admit, I have gotten more emotional lately. My emotions become more bouncy and unstable. I am getting more hot tempered lately, though I am still very patient on the outside. I do feel, however, my blood boiling more often than previously. I am becoming less careful with hiding my emotions. I don’t see the point of it. And I do get sad more frequently. I am still unable to cry. But the feeling of wanting to cry, the overwhelming feeling, it still comes very often. I think it’s probably because I now have more friends who care, friends who would actually be concerned if they saw me sad.

Life is starting anew for me because I have just stepped down as President from my Taekwondo club. The time has come for me to let go of the responsibilities and pass the baton. It is now time for me to focus on myself. I need to develop myself, especially through more self-reflections and feedback-searching. On top of that, I am semi retired from Toastmasters. It no longer makes me happy as it used to. My friend stole the limelight from me. As bitter as I am about it, I’m accepting that it wouldn’t have lasted forever. At least I lost it to a friend who does acknowledge that he stole it from me.

As sure as I am about life, I still feel very unsure. I have my dreams. But my dreams don’t sound feasible. At least, not under these circumstances, that others do not know of.
I have found a guy to love. He is everything I could ask for. Loves sports, a thinker, humble, hardworking, caring, hot, and not afraid of me. Before this, I thought that I could never love again, not after watching the guy I love transform when I told him I liked him. Immediately, that guy disappeared. I really thought that I would never love another guy as much as I loved him ever again. But I have found someone.

There is another guy, he is perfect, through my eyes. Great at sports, great at studies, focused, determined, outspoken, confident and hot. He seemed like the perfect guy. Yet, I do not have any feelings for him, other than as a friend. He’s perfect. I don’t know why I don’t like him.

Right now, things are going well for me. I just got slapped in the face a few times these past few months, both in terms of my academics as well as sports. However, I am still here, alive, and standing taller than ever. Whatever doesn’t kill you truly does make you stronger.

I am back! I am ready to challenge my limits! I am ready to prove you wrong! I am ready for whatever life throws me! Because, I know I am not alone. =)