Big Brother

Friend asked me to go for training today. I honestly don’t know what I was doing there. I was dead tired, yet I chose to go. But he wasn’t in the best mood. He was tired. I feel bad because even when we were going home, I didn’t talk to him. I know that I would have cheered him up a little. There’s just something about us, he’s like a big brother to me, and I’m like a little sister to him. I feel that. I know that I can put a smile on his face, even if it’s through saying stupid things that he just has to open his mouth to respond. I know I can break his serious mood. I should have. By the way, his birthday today. 

Keeping Up

First fitness training with the shortlisted KL team. It’s been such a long time since I’ve trained. Tired as hell. Couldn’t really keep up. But at the same time, it wasn’t quite as bad as our coach’s MAPCU training. Either I’m getting fitter, or the training really isn’t that bad.

Slap in the face.

It all happened so quickly.

I was happily messaging my friend, wow he's on scholarship. That's great. He deserved that one. The next minute, he calls me. Talking fast, like he always does. He tells me not to join the championship, because it's national level. There is a standard to it. Might be risky to me.

When he told me that, I was only hearing half of what he was telling me. He just talks fast, that's the way it is. But I got his message loud and clear.

When he said those words, I felt like bursting into tears. It was also so quick. It was touching, what he told me. He was a friend, who cared for me, who was looking out for me. Others so far, have told me, just like they always tell me at any other competition, just go for it. You can la. You are capable. Try your best. See how it goes.

But no, you knew what I am capable and not capable of. You know that I would probably get injured through this, really badly injured kind, because I'm just not that level yet. In the past, you've always told me that I'm capable of winning. I know that you wouldn't have said anything if I was good enough to fight here.

Now that is a friend indeed. I can take the bashing. I know myself, my capabilities. I know I need to work on certain aspects, I just don't have the right outlets. The best part is that he even invited me over to train with them, and this is not the first time he's inviting me over. I think I want to go there to train. He's serious about it. He has asked me to go train there a few times already. I think it's time I take it seriously too. How often do you find a door of opportunity that keeps opening even after you slam it shut a few times?

Yes, the slap in the face was all I needed. A hit of reality.

A Hug?

Was at training today. Dojang training. It's been more than a month since I last went there. Been busy with MAPCU training, which takes place in our college. 

One of the guys is back from camp. I think I haven't seen him for at least 2 months already. I miss him. He's the type of guy who bullies you non-stop but will never kill you. Note how I didn't use the phrase, knows when to stop. Because he does go quite far with it sometimes, especially with small kids. But he knows himself best, he knows how to control power. 

Naturally, after not seeing me for so long, he starts bullying me and kicking me and whacking me a lot. And I mean, really a lot! (With love of course). He even took my phone, scrolled through all my pictures, songs and played the games. (Him trying to catch fish with my phone was hilarious!)

After training, we went down first. I was walking off to my car already. He yelled to me, "Wei, going home so fast? Not even going to give me a hug first ah?" 

I was quite shocked. Because he has never actually given any of us a hug before. And as I know him, he'll say that, but there'll definitely be a prank behind it somewhere. I guess I was over-trusting today. I just walked back to him. I looked at him, he wasn't smiling. He looked serious about it, but he always did. Quite a poker face guy. And he actually gave me a hug. No tricks. 

Till now, it's bugging me. Yes yes, can a bad guy never be good? Of course he can. I'm still quite obsessed about finding out why though. 

Dependance

There is a guy.

I'm feeling it now because my sports life suddenly took a turn. It has become the only life I know. My entire life revolves around it.

He has always been there for me, through all my matches. Every single time I've fought, he's been there for me. Last year, twice, we weren't that close yet. But he wasn't there. Earlier this year, he coached me. Just recently, he was going to coach me to gold medal. He could have. He would have. I know that. But my coach was free, so he coached me. Nevertheless, he was still there for me.

I have not been to a single match without him, and I honestly don't know what I would do if I had to. I went for a match recently, without him. But thank god I didn't have to fight.

I like him, you know that? I think I do. I missed him twice this week already. He tried to talk to me over FB yesterday, and called me today. But I missed both, you know? Maybe I should be in college tomorrow. See if I do meet him. I'm afraid I'll miss him again though.

Selections and Steamboat!

Today I went for KL selections. It was quite a on-the-spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, I only found out a few days before. Selections was good I think? I went in with intentions of fighting and gaining experience, nothing more. I was quite prepped up for it.

I was there really early. My friend wasn't there yet, because they didn't know the way and were following people. I was a little nervous, just a little. Mostly, ready to have some fun and test my skills.

Quite a long delay. Don't know what the hold-up was. Weighing-in time. No one in my categories. I was the borderline weight, could have gone to either category.

I was speechless at that time. Stunned. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Another free win. It really has been my luck, all my life I would say. I've had many walk-over wins, and almost always got straight into the semis or finals. This time, it wasn't about the medal. It was about fighting and see what I was capable of.

Selections ended early since most categories had really few people. I later found out, most of my friends are going under premier clubs, not under states. Will see them at the nationals next month hopefully. Training starts this Saturday. Hope I survive it.

Went for steamboat dinner, our MAPCU celebration, at Yuen. We were the earliest ones. We sat around 1 table and started eating first, while waiting for the rest who trickled in. Food was good. The night was generally quite good for me, because everyone had something interesting for me to create a story about.

Towards the end of the dinner, I suddenly felt a dizzy spell and everything around me blurred. I felt like I was going to fall off the chair any moment, and now looking back, I wonder whether I should have. I could see, but I couldn't react and I felt like I was losing grip of everything. But I was afraid that if I fell asleep, I wouldn't wake up again, so I forced myself not to faint. You'd be amazed at the human mind.

My friend sent me home. I didn't want my parents to find out. They'd force me to quit sports for sure. Blame it on something nonsensical. My friend told me he thinks I'm having a migraine. I googled it up. Says it lasts between 4 hours and few days. I immediately closed the page, dared not read further. I googled up blurred vision. My findings were even more scary than about migraines. Blurred vision is the symptom for a long list of really serious diseases, including brain tumour. Also closed that page.

I retired early that night. Did not even watch my video. I did watch a bit with my president and coach at dinner, was heartbreaking yet funny at the same time. If it were someone else, I'd be laughing my heads off. But it's me. It's quite hard watching yourself.

Thai Student Exchange!

Some students (81 students actually!) from Khon Kean University in Thailand dropped by our college for a student exchange visit. I am honoured to be selected as the student leader to represent our college to present an introduction to our college.

The presentation went well. Loved doing it, loved it all. They didn't set the bar too high on the public speaking or language proficiency bar. So, I think I aced it. Our Director of Student Affairs looked pleased enough, as I spoke.

Rushed for the Toastmasters meeting just to give the Better Speaker Series presentation to achieve ACS. My heart just wasn't there to do it. I just couldn't do it. You made me miss a muay thai performance man. Then I reach there, you tell me I get to speak at 11 am, and I don't speak till 11.30 am. My heart just wasn't there. I couldn't force myself. Rushed through the entire speech leaving out many interesting points I had earlier prepared.

Got back to the Thai students exchange just in time for lunch. Everything was practically over then. I had some food and bonded with my friends over lunch. Mostly sports friends. There's just something about sports people that makes them humble and friendly.

I feel bad about my attitude towards Toastmasters. But I have made my priorities clear. And I'm doing it just to finish the manual. I want that, no doubt. Because practicing is one of my best learning styles. I just didn't want to be there that day. I had to miss a muay thai performance for god's sake. Muay thai. I'm in martial arts too. I can relate to other martial arts and I just love them more and appreciate them better okay.

Yumcha at Canadian Pizza!

I am seriously glad that I’m 50% done with exams. By Monday next week, I would have completed my year 2 of degree. And I would be taking a break from studying for three to four months, doing what I love – working, meeting new people, chilling, playing sports and yum cha-ing.

Today, I met up with some Taekwondo friends for lunch. Was a good lunch at Canadian Pizza. The food was good, as always. We called the set for 6 – 8 people, but with the athletes at our table, it wasn’t quite enough. Just right I guess. Now that I look back upon it, most of our conversations there centred around cars. And it was basically three guys discussing it. I joined in a little too. Was quite educational. Haha.

Sat there for two hours or so before leaving. Sent my friend home. I got to find out some new things about some people and some incidents. I love hearing things. Turns out, I do know quite a lot. You would too, if you just stopped to listen. 

A talk with the coach.

I had a nice long talk with coach today. It started off with me just asking whether he wanted a copy of the report. He said yes. Then he asked about my exams. Before we knew it, we were off at some other topic. I am actually quite surprised that he had so much to say and that he was actually capable of talking a lot. We must have talked close to an hour. I am actually quite glad that we had this talk. I feel like I know him a bit better now, about his principles and practices and all. 

By the way, I have uncovered more about him. Hehehe. 

Delayed reaction.

Yes. Today I just realised what went wrong yesterday.

First. I had the perfect distance, but I hesitated and did not kick because I was unsure. That also meant that my opponent too had the perfect distance, and used it to her advantage instead.

Second. I did not move when she kicked me. Coach specifically told me before the match to move when she kicks. Move forward. Move backwards. Whatever, as long as I don't just stand there and let her kick me. But my body did not do that. I didn't think. I could have easily countered, scored a point, maybe even avoid letting her score.

Third. She playing with one leg doesn't mean that I have to play with one leg. Though I couldn't have done any better to be honest. I'm still mind blank, so I don't know what to do. Haha.

Fourth. A very important lesson. It is very much a mind game. The first round, she was happily scoring. It was relaxing for her. Second round, when I knew what to do to score, I could tell she panicked. I could feel it. She was nervous because every time the referee broke us apart, and let us go, I would attack without waiting (I already had the distance). I felt her panic the first two thirds of the second round. Then she got aggressive. I have to watch the video to see where she scored though.

Five. I need to learn to block. And I need to learn to go for the head.

Oh well. Hope I can win the next match. These are the most basic and vital lessons and I've understood them now.

MAPCU!

MAPCU just ended today. We did amazing. I’m so proud of all of us. Out of 19 players, 18 won medals. 1 who didn’t was unlucky, he met the winner of his category in the first round. Plus, he only realised his mistakes later on.

As for myself, I screwed up bad in the first round. I was careless, and let her score too many points. Also, I was too dependent on coach. I was waiting for him to tell me what to do. I knew I had a weak opponent, and that I was capable of winning. But I really didn’t know what to do when I was in the match. The few times when he told me what to do, I did, and I’m sure I scored points from it. During the break, coach told me what to do and I understood it. Even during the second round, he told me what to do, and it was reassuring. I managed to score during the second match, but wasn’t enough to catch up.

I was this close to gold, but I blew my chance. Also, because of that, we were only 2^nd runner up. Had I won the gold, we would have been 1^st runner up overall.

It has been a tiring two days, but I learnt plenty. I am better equipped for my next match I’m sure. 

What a relief. Really.

What a relief. I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t get the people. I like those guys I’m working with. They are really nice, and they don’t let our difference in Taekwondo centres get in the way. They are really nice guys and I like working with them. They are forever willing to help me, and are willing to treat me like another one of them even though we just met.

Today is a good day. I’m glad everything’s okay.

Serious. Because honestly, I've been really stressed out the past few days about this. And I never get stressed, so it does mean something. I'm glad we cleared things up.

The moment that made my day was the meeting. My friend was late. He and another friend had just come straight from their training. I said, me too. He asked me, what training? Yoga? And I told him, no. Taekwondo. Just like the two of you. The look on his face. Priceless. Later on, we exchanged some Taekwondo stories. I found out how he broke his arm. Careless mistakes. Nothing that really worries me, because girls really don’t play that violently. 

I feel much more at ease now. Hope my body and mind recovers in time for the competition. 

Cultural Night 2010!

Cultural night performance today! Second year performing! Last year's was a success. So was this year's.

Today was a day of many events. I was only planning to drop by the sports awards day to meet up with my friends and to get the free lunch. Class finished early, so I was early at the sports awards ceremony. I decided to just go in since I was already there, and had a number of friends inside.

I spontaneously decided to go up on stage to receive my President’s Distinguished Club award for Toastmasters club, which I earned with my own sweat, blood and tears, along with my entire exco. 

After the awards ceremony, I had to rush off for some work that I did not have time to have lunch.

That night, I was early at the cultural night. I got a shock when I found out that we were the last performance. I was in a super bad mood. It was not so much the fact that we were the last performance. It was the fact that I specifically, personally, talked to all the staff that could be involved, told them that we had MAPCU, and they agreed to put us earlier, and yet, we were the last performance. I wanted to cancel our performance altogether.

But we stayed through. After a while, I was too tired and couldn’t take it anymore. I left the hall to go sleep outside, accompanied by my friend. I think he was also bored already. When we were outside, we were the lucky few to have dinner before the rest. Turns out, by the time the break came, there was no food left.

Training before our performance resulted in me injuring my right ankle. Was practising my back thrust when I landed it on a chair next to me, quite forcefully. Hurt like hell.

Our actual performance went quite smooth. Only 1 plank couldn’t break. The rest were good and smooth. My friend did injure his toe from it though, because the plank couldn’t break the first two times. Hope all goes well with our competition this weekend. 

I feel like giving up.

It’s less than a week before competition and I feel like giving up. Honestly, I feel quite crappy right now. I feel dizzy and faintish. On top of that, I have some stress from calling up people and getting a yes. Rejection is painful. But this time around, I seem to feel my mood going up and down as the acceptance and rejection comes.

The clock is ticking though. Few more days to get everything settled. Problem is I’m running out of time because I am tied up with the competition and our performance in two days time (which we have not prepared for).